When birthparents close an open adoption

by **Bek** on Tue Jun 20, 2006 12:06 am

Hi Amina,

It was actually good to go back and reread that. Things are still hard, but I am in a much better place. It is especially hard b/c it is Jacob's bmom. She is pregnant again and due next month.

How are the plans for Africa? I know things have slowed down in Ethiopia b/c the courts are closed for the next three months. I leave for Kenya on Friday..........

Good to hear from you again. YOu can e mail me if you need to.

rebeccakbingham@yahoo.com

by **smileybirthmom** on Mon Nov 13, 2006 12:15 am

I see no other birth moms have replied here. Of the birthmom's I know who have become parent's to another child after the child they placed for adoption, it has been painful in some ways. For some, this is the first time that they realize all that they lost with the child they placed. They see every day, with their new child, what they gave up with the first. This is just a guess but maybe that contributes to why this adoption was closed?

Personally, I couldn't say what that's like as the son I parent is much older then my birthson. However I could completely understand how having another child that you parent after the placed baby could bring up difficult feelings of loss regarding the "lost" baby.

Shell

by **kiddobeans** on Fri Nov 16, 2007 10:41 pm

We were (are?) in a semi-open situation with our DD's birthmom. I regularly sent letters and photos, and we spoke on the phone a few times. We were making plans to meet up around DD's 1st birthday, when my letters were returned to sender. I later heard from her social worker that she was able to start a new career and had moved out of state. I heard from her once more, by phone, but never received a forwarding address and haven't spoken to her in more than a year.

It was disheartening when she pulled away, because I do feel that openess is best for DD, and also because I really want to know that she is ok. But, I have to remember that I will always have the photos and letters from the first year. I will always be able to tell DD about her birthmom and our conversations. There won't be a complete void for her. And also, DD is only 2...there are many, many years in front of us in which our relationship to her birthmom could change. Adoption is a lifelong relationship for everyone in the triad. Who knows what the future may bring?

Erin
Proud Mom of 2in12
www.kiddobeans.com

by **JanineMarie** on Sun Aug 02, 2009 6:06 pm

It's been awhile, but I thought I'de post an update. Although we have lost touch with our DD's birthparents and bio sister, we have maintained contact with her bio grandparents. Yesterday we had the opportunity to meet her bio great-grandparents and second cousins. What a heartwarming experience! Our DD is now 6 and she was so excited to meet her extended family. It was such a special visit with immediate bonding and we all just felt like family. It was truly amazing and I was so happy that Victoria was able to build some memories with her bio-family.
Hope everyone is having a great summer!
Janine in NY

by **blueyes113** on Sun Aug 02, 2009 8:12 pm

That's wonderful Janine! I wish S would tell her grandparents about Christopher so he could meet his bio-great-grandparents. Her father wishes she would as well. He would loves having his parents meet Christopher. All I can do is keep my fingers crossed. :crossfingers: